Every holiday I re-evaluate my life thinking I can transform into an ideal version of myself. Year three of my second degree and no transformation has lasted. Like a rubber band I stretch my personality to touch the ideal but as soon as the holidays disappear I recoil to a version that only knows to survive.
As I turn 24 I approach adulthood. My mum would laugh if I told her I now think I’m at the horizon of adulthood. She will for the 1000th time remind me that at this age she was contemplating marriage, her mother was taking care of six kids and great grandma was taking care of twelve kids.
The problem with my transformation has always been that I don’t see why I need to change. A big part of me believes that I will end up having the same life my mum, grandma and great grandma had. They didn’t need to go through an extensive transformation so why should I? However, a voice in my head also reminds me that I don’t like the life my past mothers have lead. I want to be able to travel and be of service to people in need. Even if I have no one to leave behind as a legacy, I want to leave behind a thought that life isn’t for yourself or family, we should go beyond and consider the world our family.
So, a transformation is necessary, hopefully I’m not too late. I start today, this hour, this minute, this second, in hopes that one day this transformation may come in handy.